Joseph tends to get angry when his wife Judy asks him too many questions? He notices this tendency and realizes that his response hurts Judy. But this thought does not come to his mind when he is angry. He feels this is not helpful for their relationship, which has been deteriorating gradually.
You may have faced similar situations with family, friends, colleagues or anyone else you have regular interactions or you may know others who are facing similar challenges. Have you ever wondered why it has been sometimes very difficult to change a habit?
While I have been using techniques of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Transactional Analysis (TA) to help myself and those who come for my guidance, to change habits, I was fascinated by the power and potential of Action Inquiry in achieving real and lasting change.
Anger is one of the most common negative behaviours in human beings. Anger makes people act in an irrational manner. And therefore anger causes tremendous amounts of unnecessary destruction. Many who are connected with me have asked me how to manage anger. While I teach many tools on how to manage anger in my learning experiences and in my books, I felt this is an issue where many people need help and I need to find faster methods of reaching more people, hence this blog post.
Firstly we must realize that anger is a behaviour we learn and therefore it is not something permanent in us. We learn new behaviours when we see benefits in such behaviours. Therefore for example at a tender age when we observe our dad getting angry and everyone else doing as per his demands in an attempt to make him calm down, we learn that anger has the power of controlling and we quickly learn to use anger as a tool ourselves.